More Love, Please

There are some things we don't hear enough.  Word of love, approval, and encouragement top the list.  We are all looking for ways to get more of them.

We all learned in kindergarten that it is important to be kind. And most of us have learned that lesson, especially with our friends. But have we learned that lesson with ourselves?

Sadly, most of us haven't. Far too often we berate ourselves, run ourselves down, and are far more critical of ourselves than we are of other people... even our enemies.

And our internal talk is even worse.

As a couple of therapists I know have said, "Be careful what you say to yourself. You are listening."

How can you be successful if the person you listen to most is running you down and criticizing everything you do? By listening to that kind of talk, you doom yourself to failure. And when it comes, that inner voice says, "See? I told you so."

Take a moment throughout your day and listen to what you are telling yourself. Make a special effort to notice what you are saying... and how you are saying it.

Would you say those things to your best friend? I'll bet not. I'll bet you would be much kinder to your friend.

It is time for you to be your own best friend. (If you can't be a friend to yourself, what kind of friend will you be to others?) Be as kind to yourself as you are to your friends.

Easier said than done, right? To help you out, here are a couple of things to get you started in the right direction.

1.  Write yourself an email.

In that email, tell your best friend exactly why you believe that s/he (you) can succeed, the marvelous traits and talents s/he has, and that you believe in her/him. Now, send it to yourself. Yes, actually send it. And when it arrives in your in-box, open it and read it.

2.  Replace the negative with the positive.

Every time you catch yourself saying things about yourself that are unkind (whether aloud or just to yourself), STOP. Then deliberately replace that word, phrase, or diatribe with a kinder, gentler one... one that is uplifting and encouraging. It may seem like you are doing it a lot, at first, but you will get better at it as you practice.

A few people are so conditioned to negative "self-talk" that they can't come up with anything positive to say about themselves. Others, can do it if they try hard enough, long enough. But it is a lot of effort.

Want an easier way? Preload your brain with good things you can say about you. Fill it with positive comments about you. Saturate it with loving comments about you. Then, when your negative, unkind self-talk shows up, the loving, kind words will be on hand to jump right in.

Bonus:  Saturate your brain with the positive messages.

For those of us who want a speed track to saturating our brains with the right kind of comments, Wendi Friesen has come to our rescue. Wendi has put together a FANTASTIC product to help us with this. Since we don't hear those good things spoken to us enough, Wendi has created a set of 5 audio tracks so you can hear the kinds of things you should be saying to yourself (and the ones you wish your friends and family said to you more.)

I have these "Love Infusion" audio tracks and they rock! Listen to these in the car, as background, as you are falling asleep, as a model for the kind of things you should be saying to yourself....

Note, the Love Infusion tracks are not affirmations. They are the kinds of things we wish we heard more of... things like "I love you." "You seem like the kind of person I would like to know." "I believe in you." "You are a good friend." "Wow, you did a great job. I'm proud of you."

If you don't hear that sort of thing enough (and most of us don't), I encourage you to give it a try. You can get them as an instant download and put it straight on your MP3 player... or burn it to a CD. If this sounds like something you would like to know more about, just click here.

Whether you or not you need a role model, start being kinder to yourself. Go ahead, give yourself some love.  You will be amazed at how your life turns around and how much more you will attempt... and accomplish.