"So, Deal With It"

(This is the second in a three-part series on recognizing and dealing with internal resistance.)

In part one of this three part series, we looked at identifying resistance that could result in sabotaging our goals.  The resistance we discussed is not the stuff we encounter from the outside world - friends, family, competitors, environment and such.  The most crippling resistance is that which is within ourselves.

We talked about how the inner resistance can sabotage everything we are trying to accomplish.  It can manifest as a pain (often in the gut) every time you think of your goal.  It can even come up as words or concept or feeling/knowing when you state your goal.

Coaches and therapists are very familiar with this inner resistance.  They call it secondary gain… the gain you get from your problem or status quo.  Some call it the "yeah, buts" because it can respond like an inner voice saying "Yeah, but…" whenever you try to move toward your goal.  This is just like some people in our lives who always have a reason why we can't do whatever it is we are proposing. 

...secondary gain… the gain you get from your problem...

So, how do we deal with this inner resistance if we have it?

Before we can deal with inner resistance, we have to determine if it is valid.

If it is, then don't do what you were going to do or else find a way to modify your goal to handle it.

Examine the "Yeah, but…" and see if it has a valid point. 

As an example, let’s take a look at Mary (not her real name).  She was about 100 pounds overweight and wanted to lose that extra weight.  She came up with three "yeah, buts".  The three she had were no surprise as they are pretty common to this particular goal.

"Yeah, but if I lose weight I will have to get a whole new wardrobe and that is expensive."  Some people replace "that is expensive" with "I can't afford it."  Either way, they don't want to spend the money on more clothes.  In Mary's case, she had a decent income, but couldn't afford to replace her complete wardrobe three or more times (as she dropped sizes.)